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Author Offers No Apologies for Humorous New Book, “Jew Behind Lox”

BUFFALO GROVE, Ill., Aug. 15, 2013 /PRNewswire/ — There is nothing politically correct about Dr. Willie Kissertits or his new Kindle book, Jew Behind Lox (Three Boys Press). Then again, Dr. Kissertits, 57, who is Jewish himself but rarely goes to temple, bemoaning, "there's a cover and a minimum," isn't running for public office. "I can write anything I want," Dr. Kissertits said. "I'm a self-employed animal chiropractor, not a Fox News talking head. I don't have to kiss anyone's brass to keep my job."

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Some critical of the book's promotional quote, "Keep your friends close, but keep their money closer," say this self-serving misconception may offend the author's fellow Jews. "Really?" said Kissertits. "Wait until I start merchandising the book cover. Oy vey!"

A conservative New York rabbi, who wishes to remain anonymous, tweeted this about the book: "Funny but distasteful," citing the author's use of Jewish stereotypes, especially Jews' love for money, and the main character's casual use of the term "shvartze" when referring to black people.

The humor book is not about a choirboy. Nor is it about the man who popularized the long smelly strips of smoked salmon. It's about Isadore "Killer" Klugman, a sleazy, unscrupulous shyster who was one of Dr. Kissertits' former patients before Dr. Kissertits switched to animals. The book, which was inspired from a series of letters Killer sent to Dr. Kissertits' Chicago chiropractic office from prison, begins shortly after Killer's incarceration in the spring of 1991 for attempting to kill a drug dealer. Most of the letters were a desperate plea for money which Killer needed for legal expenses to pay his equally sleazy Jewish lawyer, Gordy Goldstein.

It was Kissertits' pleasure to bait Killer with the promise of money only to pull the rug out from under him. "I'm saving up for my son's Bar Mitzvah. Which do you think is more important, my son's Bar Mitzvah or springing you from the slammer?"

Kissertits' smart-aleck replies only served to infuriate Killer, which of course, was Kissertits' intent. Killer retaliated by sicking his hitman "The Shank" on Kissertits, nearly killing the animal cracker. "I was my own worst enemy," said Kissertits, who admits he got a sadistic pleasure irritating Killer and his lawyer. "They were so much fun to agitate. Like when I tricked Goldstein to say 'Twoja Pochwa' to a Polish hospital nun, thinking he would gain access to a new injury client whose fictitious Polish name translates 'Your vagina is expecting me.' That prank got Goldstein arrested. I laughed until I puked."

Aside from writing about cons, Dr. Kissertits (under the pseudonym of Dr. Daniel Kamen), has also written three bestselling books on animal chiropractic technique, among them The Well Adjusted Dog. "Animals are much more honest than people," said Dr. Kissertits, who used to treat accident cases. "The primary cause of bodily injury in dogs is jumping on couches. While the primary cause of bodily injury in people is auto insurance."

Daniel Kamen
Twitter @JewBehindLox
Jew Behind Lox is available on